bobby-love:

• every time i’m on the computer my dad asks me what i’m doing
• and every time i tell him tumblr
• and every time he asks what that is
• and every time i tell him
• and yet the cycle repeats

my mom thinks it’s a cute cat machine that tells her really offensive jokes

neodad:

you know when you ask your sister to get you some gummy candy but you really mean SOUR gummy candy so when she comes home with your gummy bears you are very disappointed and forget them in the sun and then they congeal into one single 990 calorie gummy rectangle and you spend 10 minutes cutting it out of the bag so you can take a picture for the internet

what’s it like to stare into the eye of satan’s butthole

therealhamster:

“i am so fucking done” i say as i pull myself from the oven. i have been cooked to perfection

are they

here

i’m sitting here half ready to get back up because my mom will be back soon with more materials to unload but i just don’t know when

60 tabs open

and i have to go to the bathroom almost

is this what hell feels like

ONE OF THE ONES I GOT

CACUASIAN MALE, NO MORE THAN 110 POUNDS 

MUST BE ABLE TO FIT ENTIRE BODY IN 55 GALLON DRUM

my mom… didn’t… giv emy uncle my regasrts

laughing so fucking ahrd